I was at a loss for a blog this week due to the difficult week I’ve been having mentally. I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress from life changing decisions, to travels, and even seeing people that really stress me out. It’s been leaving me kind of numb. I was considering skipping this week but it didn’t sit right with me. I typed several sentences on certain topics but just kept hitting the back button. I decided instead of trying to plan what I was going to say before I typed it, why not just type and see what happens. So here it is. I feel like a lot of you can relate to the feeling of Numbness.
You feel like you can’t feel a thing, but yet you do. You feel scared, confused, alone, unloved and even invisible. It’s like if someone gave you every single thing on your Christmas list, but you just wouldn’t care, because you can’t feel anything in this moment. No matter what anyone says, you just can’t seem to escape the numbness.
At moments you think, Am I even breathing? Am I alive? How did I get to this point? You might even pinch yourself just to see if you have some feeling. You look down at your hands and move your fingers around to see if just maybe that will help bring some feeling back to your body, but it doesn’t. You stare out the window for hours because your are simply done staring at a screen and tired of sleeping. You feel lethargic and know you need water, but you don’t even feel like getting up. Food? Oh yeah, that’s a thing.. But you are just simply not hungry and the thought of food makes you want to throw up.
You feel like you need to cry but the tears just won’t come. You get the lump in your throat hoping that means your about to cry so just maybe you can feel again, but it doesn’t happen. Then you whisper the words, “God help me.” Your eyes start burning, you blink and a tear rolls down your cheek. You start sobbing while holding a pillow close to your chest feeling every emotion you possibly can in that moment. You feel the numbness starting to lift and you are able to tend to your body and mind. You’re able to remind yourself that healing is taking place within you.
If this sounds like you or something you are going through, I want you to know that I hear you, I see you and you are not alone. I experience this feeling often, it’s difficult to work through but absolutely possible. I notice each time I go through it, it’s like my body is healing. That might sound odd, I know…but after, my mind feels better and I feel like I’m getting healthier. I will have a sense of clarity of all the progress I have made and continue to make.
When the numbness occurs, do what you can. Immediately seek therapy if possible so you can start to address where this is coming from. Also, have your coping skills handy and ready to use! The more you use your coping skills the better you will be at using them and them actually working. Most importantly, go easy on yourself. Be kind and gentle to yourself, you’re really trying your absolute best and I’m so proud of you for that. If you are ever feeling so alone and you just don’t know what to do please reach out. I would love to help you in any way I possibly can.
As Always,
You Deserve Peace
You Are Not Your Diagnosis
You Are Not Alone
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